Untold Writer’s Tale
“Too ordinary to be seen, to uncool to be heard.” Those phrases basically sum up her life.
She actually fears everything. From her mind to her imagination. From her nightmares to reality.
She fears the people around and can’t bear the sweet silence at night.
She fears losing someone. That’s why she fears holding onto them so tight
And fears the sad facts about goodbyes.
She fears the crowded hallways filled with lonely stares and empty glances.
She fears of feeling too much as if it were a burden and a curse.
She fears of caring too much, loving too much, giving and leaving every piece of her heart to people who she thought would actually stay but ended up leaving still.
Maybe that’s one reason why she fears the idea of love, the art of falling — falling in and falling out of it — too afraid of constant affection because she knows that people will get tired eventually.
She fears her uncertainty and everything that seems so temporary.
She fears how she fakes her smiles and forces her laughs just to tell everyone she’s doing fine. She fears that someday, those ingenuine things are all that will be left for her.
She fears her kindness and hates how people abuse it.
She fears her kindness and how people see it as her weakness.
Sometimes, she also fears her words and how they help people, except herself.
But she was also thankful for her words. For they were the only things that made her special.
And how sad to think that she needed to write to constantly feel that.
Writing started as her blank canvas to release her teenage frustrations until she tried to turn writing into her own battlefield to find and search for herself. To outgrow all of her fears, to gain courage to finally speak up and be heard, to do more than just make people love her works.
It wasn’t as easy as making a big turn and taking a huge leap, so she took small steps, one after another.
Writing has transformed her into a completely different person, but it felt as though she became more like herself. She found her strength behind the lines of her written art. Writing let her breathe and left her breathless at the same time. Writing turned her fears into blessings. It reminded her that it was never a curse to feel everything deeply. It opened her eyes to there being more to writing than just praises and a thousand likes. And that it’s okay to be kind and not to fear of giving too much.
Writing built her up, filled the cracks between her soul, and turned every feeling into something beautiful so that even heartbreak didn’t sound like breaking.
She bleeds words and every drop feels nothing but magical.
She owes everything to writing. She managed to let everything out, to get out of her own head, to subdue all of her fears. And somehow, at some point, she learned to face everything, to see, to feel and to be everything. And feeling everything turned out not to be a bad thing at all. She writes to constantly remind herself that sometimes it only takes a paper and a pen to be heard and to be seen, not by the people who only know how to read, but by those who truly understand.
She writes to remind herself that somewhere, in a certain world, words could possibly be sharper than any swords; that they could cut and leave even deeper scars and carve someone’s existence along with all the stars.