I stumbled upon this quote the other night when I was utterly exhausted after another excruciatingly busy day. I was sprawled out on my bed scrolling through my Instagram and I actually bursted out laughing when I read this quote. (In case you’re wondering, of course I follow book quote accounts!) My overworked brain was at its cracking point, and for some reason, it kept imagining all the tasks in my planner as “die” instead of things like “band concert.” At this point I had tears in my eyes – some from laughing and some from having a mental break down.
Yeah, I did a LOT of dying last week.
This year of high school has been VERY frustrating! I have all these high expectations to meet, very demanding classes and clubs, standardized testing, blah blah blah…. I am there doing this, then here doing that. And then there’s this thing to do when I get home and that thing I have to find time to do later. When do I get time to do things that I actually want to do?
As of right now, the answer is never. I’m flipping through my planner and weeks and weeks of “dying” are written on the pages. I would love to take white-out and rewrite “living,” but unfortunately I don’t have the control over my life to do so.
My high school mind is really having trouble differentiating between things I should do, have to do, and want to do. I feel like the modern perspectives of getting into college have been completely morphed into this monster that thrives off of soaking in the pain and stress that rolls off of American high school students. I wish that I could just focus on things that make me happy and relaxed instead of all this getting-into-college crap. All it is is a mountain of meaningless tasks that make me miserable.
I don’t know about you, but I know I would take getting busy living over getting busy dying any day.
— Nicole, 2.26.18