Dear inCon #3

Dear inCon, 

When do you know that you're old enough to start making your own decisions? Is it okay if you defy your parents about somethings already?

- Anonymous


Hi friend,

Thank you for bringing your questions to us. The truth is, there's really no specific age related to this and no straightforward answer. It really depends on how well you know yourself. You're ready to start making your own decisions when you're ready to take responsibility for them. Even if you're wrong or end up making mistakes, that's okay. As long as you can say that you've tried to do the best thing for yourself/or others, then maybe you're ready to give it a shot. 

Independence is often a privilege. Sometimes parents are reluctant to offer up that kind of freedom. It's up to you to decide whether they have reason to do so. I'll be honest and admit that a lot of times, parents care very deeply about their children but don't always know what is really right and best for them. I've witnessed this truth with the people around me many times. Ultimately, you've got to trust yourself to know when to comply with and when to challenge their views. If you truly believe that your parents have been wrong about you or made decisions for you that aren't what's best for you, then you owe it to yourself to believe and to act differently. We only advise you to do so carefully.

Know the difference between the kind of happiness and fulfillment that's enduring versus the kind that's temporary, and remember that the best thing for you might be to choose need over want or vice versa. 

Regardless of what you decide, don't be afraid to think you know what's best for yourself. Decide what you want, consider why you want it, and then fight for it. Sometimes your parents will fight with you, sometimes they'll fight against you. And sometimes they'll have reason to fight you, but sometimes you'll have reason to resist. 

Even though your parents have been around longer and experienced more than you have, your circumstances are your own, so own them. Living and loving is about sacrifice, but you don't always have to compromise your life to please others. Sometimes something just feels right, and you have to roll with it. People with different experiences will tell you differently, but you'll never know for sure until you find out for yourself.

Don't feel guilty for trying to fly and fall on your own. That's how we grow up and grow as people. As long as we keep fighting for ourselves, it's okay to want to do so on our own terms.

Be sure and be brave.

Sincerely,

Your friends at inCon